Reflections
on Bump Fighter
By Randy Colvin
There is
nothing quite as disheartening as entering your friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart
only to discover that they are out of Bump Fighter yet again. There is no substitute for the soothing,
well-lubricated shave provided by the Bump Fighter product line. Edge Gel for Sensitive Skin will not
suffice, nor will Noxzema, nor will any of the other lame excuses for shaving
products that are on the market. When I
see a newly stocked Wal-Mart shelf of Bump Fighter, I have learned to hoard
enough to last me for at least two months.
I remember one fateful day at Super Wal-Mart I came across a massive
display of Bump Fighter. They were
having a promotion for this exceptional product. Even more amazing than the posters, pictures, and hundreds of
shaving cream bottles, was that Bump Fighter shaving gel was on sale. It was buy one can of Bump Fighter cream and
get one can for free! If only I had
known then what I know now. This rare
event in shaving history has likely never occurred since and will never occur
again. Of course, I tried to seize the
opportunity by purchasing roughly 12 bottles of Bump Fighter shaving
cream. However, now those discounted
bottles of shaving cream are long since exhausted. I am left driving all over the Dallas metropolis in a frantic
search for my favorite shaving product.
Frequently I find that Wal-Mart is out; Super Target doesn’t even bother
to carry the product. My fellow Bump
Fighter aficionados, this should not be!
Write your congressional representative. Run for office. Don’t
just stand idly by while millions of people are suffering from shaving burns
and bumps because of inadequate access to products that can be purchased for
around two dollars. That is little more
than it costs to buy a Venti cup of Starbucks Breakfast Blend. Just think—for the price of one cup of
coffee you could save a brother or sister from untold misery and pain resulting
from inferior shaving products. We must
cease our selfishness. Bump Fighter aficionados,
unite!